


Leave Your Lover

by negodamnlis



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Musician Carmilla, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 09:45:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4216953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/negodamnlis/pseuds/negodamnlis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>anon prompt: mild angst, Carmilla sings Leave Your Lover to Laura.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leave Your Lover

**Author's Note:**

> the song is leave your lover by sam smith

Carmilla had been best friends with Laura for 9 years, now at 21, she couldn’t really fight her feelings for her anymore. Anytime Laura would get a new girlfriend, there would be a void in her chest. With Laura, Carmilla felt safe, she was home.

Over the years Carmilla had had flings, one girlfriend but nothing ever lasted, they always accused her of having feelings for Laura, she couldn’t really deny it but she did to them, just not to herself.

Around her apartment there was pictures of the two of them, most from high school at parties. One from Laura’s 21st birthday, Carmilla smiled to herself thinking of the memories.

Opposed to going to university like her best friend and their circle of friends, early on in her teenage years she started writing music, and somehow a year and a half ago, she got noticed by a producer and was currently recording her own album.

Laura was so excited for her, wrapping Carmilla in the tightest hug possible, Carmilla smiled to herself, she really cared for Laura. More than anyone in her life.

She grabbed her guitar and started strumming along trying to create a tune, she was supposed to perform in a month at a record label party for everyone to hear her.

She had planned to invite Laura but didn’t want to do it over text message, they hadn’t seen each other too much recently. Laura had been dating a new girl, Emily. And Carmilla tried her hardest to let her enjoy her time with the new girlfriend.

Without realizing she had been playing for quite sometime, she also noticed that she had written two pages of lyrics.

“Woah” she said to herself until there was a knock on the door, quickly composing herself, reading her lyrics as she walked to the door, opening it she is surprised who she sees.  
“That’s funny you look like my best friend” Laura says to her with a smug look on her face before entering the apartment.

“Yes please cupcake, would you like to come in?” Carmilla says as Laura plops down on the couch.

“What ya got there?” Laura says pointing to the lyrics Carmilla had in her hand.

“Oh it’s nothing, not ready yet.”

“Come on Carm!”

“You know the rules cutie” Carmilla says smiling at her.

“Yeah, well the wait until it’s finished rule should be exempt from your best friend” Laura says with a pout.

“God damnit, not the pout, stay strong Karnstein!” she thinks to herself.

Carmilla just shrugs, placing the papers in her notebook, closing it.

“So…I have something I want to ask you” Carmilla says shyly, Laura quickly turns her full attention to her. Carmilla starts to fidget with her hands, Laura notices and quickly grabs her hand to show her it’s okay, something they have learned over the years.

“In about 3.5 weeks, I have this performance thing, I was wondering if you would maybe want to come?” Carmilla asks without lifting her head. As broody as she can be, she can be very insecure about little things like this.

“Carmilla are you kidding?” Laura exclaimed and Carmilla looks up to face her face…which has a smile upon it. “There is no where else I would rather be” she finished before hugging Carmilla tightly.

Carmilla then lets out a breath that she didn’t even know she was holding.

They spent the remainder of the evening, eating a shared pizza they decided to order and Carmilla picking apart buffy on netflix.  
//

**One year ago:**

**Zeta Party.**

Music is blasting through the speakers, walls are vibrating and there is people wasted in every room. Carmilla sighed as she was looking around fir her tiny best friend who apparently disappeared. She had only agreed to go because of Laura’s puppy dog eyes and Carmilla was weak with them.

She found her standing next to a blonde girl, they were obviously flirting with each other, Laura was moving her hand up and down her arm lightly. Carmilla cringed at the sight of it.

She stood against the wall watching occasionally to make sure she didn’t leave but she just ended up drinking more.

The next time Carmilla looked up Laura was gone, she turned to see them heading to a bedroom down the hall, feeling a pang of sadness Carmilla went outside to sit down by the lake which was a few minutes away from the house but she need to breathe.

Sitting against a tree looking up at the sky, watching the stars glimmer in the night sky, her arms wrapped her knees which were pulled into her chest. She hated feeling this way, she didn’t want to like her best friend.

She tried fling after fling to help try and push away the feelings but it never helped.

After a while she heard her name being called but she didn’t turn her head to acknowledge her, just kept looking at the stars. One thing that has never changed, Carmilla could look at the stars forever.

“Carmilla” Laura said point blank, Carmilla didn’t turn around. She didn’t have a right to be angry or hurt but sometimes her feelings got the best of her. Laura sat down beside her and nudged her.

“Why did you disappear?” she asked looking up at the stars with her.  
“Big crowds get to me, couldn’t breathe” she hated lying to Laura, although it technically wasn’t a lie. Carmilla suffered with social anxiety her whole life, it just wasn’t the entire truth.

“You could have told me.”

“Sorry mom, will do next time” Carmilla says with a huge layer of sarcasm, Laura rolled her eyes. This happened at every party Laura knew the drill of her always taking off, she wasn’t sure why she even asked Carmilla to go she hated the parties. But she wanted to be with her best friend.

“I think I am going to go home” Carmilla says getting up, Laura quickly follows her, wiping of the dirt collected on her.

“I’ll come with you, just let me get my jacket” Laura says, Carmilla nods.

“Laura!” the girl called out from the house, Carmilla shook her head.

“It’s okay, you can’t keep your fans waiting” Carmilla says and walks away home to her apartment.

**Present day:**

Carmilla wakes up with Laura next to her in her bed, this happened a lot. Laura spent the night at Carmilla’s. they would finish their movie marathons or tv marathons really late and it wasn’t that safe to be out alone.

Although this was a rare occasion for Laura to be asleep longer than her, she smiles to herself before getting up to shower.

Trying to be as careful as possible to not make any noise she walks into the bathroom, she looks at herself in the bathroom and takes a deep sigh while looking at her sadly, she quickly averts her gaze downward while removing her articles of clothing.

Turning to the shower letting the water run, getting it to the right temperature before stepping in.

Her mind was wondering a thousand miles a minute, she wanted Laura to be at the performance but after reading the lyrics what if it was a bad idea? What if it screws everything up? But then not telling Laura how she feels was actually killing her emotionally. Maybe she won’t even think it’s about her. Truthfully it could apply to anyone.

She let the water pour down her body, trying to relax just a little but before leaving. Washing every inch of her body and resting her back against the wall as the water falls down her body. Taking deep breaths, calming her nerves.

Once she settled down deciding that yes, she in fact needed to do this maybe not for Laura, but for herself.

Stepping out of the shower nearly slipping on the bathmat, she curses under breath at herself. She pats her hair dry, slipping on her red bath robe. And out of the bathroom nearly colliding with Laura, who is finally awake.

“Morning Carm” Laura says groggily, rubbing at her eyes. Carmilla smiles at her and walks into the kitchen to make coffee.

Laura slips into the bathroom. Carmilla makes hot cocoa for Laura and coffee for herself, also putting two bagels in the toaster making sure to grab peanut butter for Laura and cream cheese for herself.

Laura walks in and grabs her hot cocoa smiling appreciatively before smearing peanut butter on her bagel.

“Seriously cupcake, you want some bagel with that peanut butter?” Carmilla asks with a smirk and Laura narrows her eyes at her before biting her bagel, walking towards her Carmilla messes up her hair as she sits beside her.

Taking a sip of her coffee she nods to herself, she’s doing this.

//

**The night before the performance:**

Carmilla sang the song at least 15 times to make sure it has to be perfect. Her phone vibrates beside her, she sighs and runs her hand through her hair setting her guitar down before grabbing her phone.

_L: hey, is it okay if Emily comes tomorrow?_

_Carmilla’s eyes nearly pop out of her head, the girlfriend. fantastic._

_C: yeah, that should be fine._

She couldn’t exactly say no, but this is definitely going to make it more interesting. Laura had been spending a lot of time with her opposed to the girlfriend, and she was happy but feeling guilty as well.

Cant wait.

//

**The night of the performance:**

Carmilla sat in a back room when there was a knock on the door.

“Come in” she called out, in walked Laura and Emily, they had met briefly once at a party a couple months ago. Laura had a huge smile plastered to her face.

“Are you excited?” Laura asks, Carmilla noticed their intertwined hands. She looked down but nodded anyways.

Another knock on the door, Carmilla’s producer to tell her she’s on five minutes and leads Laura and Emily out the door to the stage.

Carmilla takes a deep breath and goes to the stage.

“Good evening everyone, thank you for coming to this prestigious event, I have a treat for you, Carmilla Karnstein will be performing tonight, she is my newly signed artist…” he keeps speaking, Carmilla stops paying attention and looks at Laura, she stares into her eyes and Laura smiles back widely, overly excited.

He then steps off the stage, letting Carmilla take his place.  
Instead of introducing the song she starts to strum her guitar with the new melody she had written for the song. She takes another deep breath before she starts to sing.

_I don’t have much to give, but I don’t care for gold_   
_What use is money, when you need someone to hold?_   
_Don’t have direction, I’m just rolling down this road_   
_Waiting for you to bring me in from the cold_

Another deep breath, she could feel her heart racing but she didn’t want to look at Laura, not yet.

You’ll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain  
Or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call her name

_Pack up and leave everything_   
_Don’t you see what I can bring_   
_Can’t keep this beating heart at bay_   
_Set my midnight sorrow free,_   
_I will give you all of me_   
_Just leave your lover, leave her for me_   
_Leave your lover, leave her for me_

The last line of the chorus is sung and Carmilla’s head raises to lock eyes with Laura who has an…unreadable expression. She has to finish even though it’s killing her to know what she was thinking.

_We sit in bars and raise our drinks to growing old_   
_Oh, I’m in love with you and you will never know_   
_But if I can’t have you I want this life alone_   
_Spare you the rising storms and let the rivers flow_

_You’ll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain_   
_Or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call her name_

_Pack up and leave everything_   
_Don’t you see what I can bring_   
_Can’t keep this beating heart at bay_   
_Set my midnight sorrow free,_   
_I will give you all of me_   
_Just leave your lover, leave her for me_   
_Leave your lover, leave her for me_   
_Leave your lover, leave her for me_

Carmilla had a little bit of tears welling in her eyes, the crowd cheered for her as she said a quick thank you and quickly walked back into her room. She needed to wipe her eyes a little bit.

Sitting down in front of the mirror, quickly dabbing a tissue at the corners of her eyes, she felt another presence in the room.

“Hey” Laura says.

“Hey.”

“You were really good” Laura says, Carmilla turned her head to give her a small smile.

“So the lyrics…” Laura starts to say before she gets cut off.

“It’s not something we have to talk about” Carmilla quickly cuts in, not really wanting to deal with the conversation she is pretty sure about to come. Laura didn’t want her.

“I think, maybe it is” Laura says. Carmilla sighs but turns to face her.

“Fine if we must” Carmilla says and Laura sits beside her.

They both sit in silence for what seems like eternity.

“How long have you been feeling this way?” Laura finally says although quietly.

“Laura…” Carmilla trails off, not really wanting to answer. What was she expecting anyways Laura was going to feel the same way, run into her arms and everything was going to be okay? This was a stupid idea and she was kicking herself for it.

“Carmilla please” Laura turned to face her, grabbing her hand.

“ugh fine…” Carmilla starts off not looking at Laura, “officially I guess about two years but I am thinking it’s been long than that.” she finishes.

Laura sits in silence trying to absorb the new information, meanwhile Carmilla feels all this anxiety building up from her. She couldn’t take it so she stands up pacing the room and Laura is watching her carefully.

“Are you mad?” she asks.

“Mad at you? No I am not mad at you, but I do wish you told me prior than now especially since Emily was here with me” Laura says. Emily right. She’s with Emily. Great she screwed it up.

“I’m going to go, I am sorry I shouldn’t have done this” Carmilla says while heading out the door.

“Carmilla!” Laura yells out after her but she’s already gone, leaving her guitar behind.

Laura sits down and starts crying, holding onto the guitar.

//

Carmilla gets home and make sure to lock the door tightly, her phone has gone off many times. She finally looks at it.

_6 missed calls : Laura._   
_5 new text messages._

_Laura: please talk to me_   
_Laura: carmilla you can’t just run away from me_   
_Laura: carmilla karnstein answer me right now_   
_Laura: I can’t believe you ran away from me_   
_Laura: you know what fine, I am coming to you, and knowing you you locked the door but knowing you, you forgot I have a key. Also you won’t be able to run now because I will get there before you check your phone._

“Fuck” Carmilla says, putting her jacket back on and opening the door just to see Laura standing in front of it about to put the key in the lock.

“I knew you would try and run as soon as you saw the texts” Laura says pushing Carmilla back into the apartment following her making sure to close the door. “You were worried I would be mad? And then you ran out on me before I could even say anything so now I am mad.”

Carmilla doesn’t say anything which she knows makes Laura even more mad. Waiting for the ticking time bomb to explode she sat down on the couch and closing her eyes. She really didn’t want this to happen. Except instead of yelling she felt lips against hers, they were soft and gentle. Carmilla was surprised so she didn’t kiss back before she pulled away.

She opened her eyes to look at Laura, who then took the opportunity to straddle Carmilla’s waist and capture her face in another kiss, Carmilla kissed back this time.

“I thought you were mad” Carmilla whispers before she pulls away.

“I still am, but I’ve wanted to kiss you for 5 years so I wasn’t losing my opportunity again” Laura says stroking her face lightly looking into her eyes.

“Wait five years?” Carmilla says in disbelief.

Laura doesn’t say anything she just nods before capturing her lips in another kiss.

“What about Emily?” Carmilla asks.

“She saw the way I was looking at you and said she couldn’t be with me anymore because I never looked at her that way before” Laura says.

This time Carmilla leans up to kiss her.

She pushes Laura off of her, getting a pout from Laura. She kisses it lightly smiling.

“trust me as much as I want this, we need to discuss things so they don’t become an elephant in the room” Carmilla says.

“Who are you and what have you done with Carmilla?” Laura says jokingly. Carmilla laughs.

“I never thought you would feel the same way, especially with all the girlfriends you’ve had.”

“Did you ever wonder why these relationships never lasted?” Carmilla’s mouth makes an O shape while nodding.

“Why didn’t you say anything” Carmilla asks.

“Pretty sure, the same reason you didn’t” Laura says.

“So what is this” Carmilla says weary.

“Is miss I don’t do relationships implying she actually wants one?”

“Maybe” Carmilla says with a smug smile.

“I believe I have to be asked first now don’t I?”

“You’re really making me do this?” Laura nods eagerly smiling. “Ugh fine, Laura Hollis will you be my girlfriend?” Laura captures her lips in a bruising kiss.

When they finally pull away for air Carmilla adds in “Ya Killin me Hollis” Laura laughs as she kisses her pulling her down on top of her.

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is negodamnlis if you want to come talk to me :)


End file.
